Surviving the Recession, Part 4: 16 More Things You Can Do to Regain Control

by Mike Nichols – Posted in: Anxiety

Artwork by Andy Warhol

The recession has most of America in its clutches, but it’s not time to roll over and play dead. It’s time to be proactive!

The magnitude of the this calamity causes people to have a great deal of stress and anxiety over their financial situations. They react to this stress and anxiety in a variety of different ways — unfortunately among them is denial, paralysis, and sticking their heads in the sand.

It doesn’t have to be so. I hope that the main thing you come away with from this series is that you can be proactive; you can maintain control over your life even in the worst of times.

This is the fourth and final part of a four-part series on “Surviving the Recession.” Today’s installment has 16 tips to help you regain control of your finances, your emotional life, and your relationships. Yesterday’s post, “Surviving the Recession, Part 3: 15 Things You Can Do to Regain Control” has 15 more tips, for a total of 31.

The tips are presented in no particular order. They come from over 20 different sources, each with a particular point of view. There may be some overlap, there even may be some contradictions, but there is a wealth of good advice among them.

Be sure to read the first and second parts of this series. The first, “Surviving the Recession, Part 1: What It’s Doing to Us,” discusses the effects of financial crisis on Americans under these subject headings:

How are people handling the recession?
Women in particular are stressed by the economy
What the recession and economic worry are doing to us

“Surviving the Recession, Part 2: Anxiety, Harmful Behavior, and Paralysis” is the second part of the series, and deals with how the recession is affecting our mental health. It covers the topics:

Economic stress and mental disorders
Excessive worry may lead to Generalized Anxiety Disorder
If you’re stressed out, anxious or depressed, avoid turning to harmful behavior
Paralyzing yourself: Denial and catastrophizing

Tip #16: Recognize how you deal with stress related to money

It is important that you take stock of yourself and your behavior during these tough economic times. Stress and anxiety caused by money can lead you into activities that generate even more stress and anxiety. For example, it is all too easy to try to relieve stress by turning to unhealthy activities like smoking, drinking, gambling or emotional eating.

In addition, money stress can change the way we relate to other people. We might become secretive, or defensive, or even completely incommunicative. The strain can also lead to more conflict and arguments between spouses, partners, and family members.{{1}}

Be alert to these behaviors — if they are causing you trouble, consider seeking help from a mental health professional or community mental health clinic before the problem gets worse.{{2}}

Tip #17: Pause but don’t panic

There are many negative stories in newspapers and on television about the state of the economy. Pay attention to what’s happening around you, but refrain from getting caught up in doom-and-gloom hype, which can lead to high levels of anxiety. It is all too easy to overreact, panic, and make bad decisions. At the other end of the spectrum, avoid the tendency to deny your problems or to become passive.{{3}}

Above all, avoid becoming fearful, which can make you do things without thinking about them properly. Brian Jones, a financial planner and vice president of CJM Wealth Advisers in Fairfax, Virginia, says:{{4}}

Fear is a very powerful motivator, but you should never make a financial decision in the heat of the moment or during an emotionally charged period of time.

Remain calm and stay focused. If you are too stressed out and anxious to make decisions, it’s ok to step back from the situation and take a breather. While it’s important to make plans and take action, there are times when pausing to catch your breath is the best thing you can do.

Tip #18: Turn these challenging times into opportunities for real growth and change

Times like these, while difficult, can offer opportunities to take stock of your current situation and make needed changes. Think of ways that these economic challenges can motivate you to find healthier ways to deal with stress.{{5}}

Try taking a walk—it’s an inexpensive way to get good exercise. Having dinner at home with your family may not only save you money, but help bring you closer together. Consider learning a new skill. Take a course through your employer or look into low-cost resources in your community that can lead to a better job. The key is to use this time to think outside the box and try new ways of managing your life.{{6}}

Tip #19: Take the opportunity to better understand your investments

If you have investments, use the current economic situation to better understand them and make decisions for the future. But do not make any rash decisions right now, such as selling your stocks, which will only lock in losses.

Questions you might ask yourself and actions you might take are:{{7}}

Better understand what kind of investor you are and need to be. Are you: conservative? risk-taking? What part of life are you in and how does your investing strategy match what you need to be doing?
Build a better portfolio. Is your portfolio balanced properly? Do you have 90% of your portfolio in stocks? Or are you overloaded with bonds? What kind of balance do you want and need not only now, but in the future?
Research the funds you own and use this knowledge to fully understand what you own rather than always counting on an “expert” — you’ll build confidence and feel better.
If your 401(k) is your only savings consider a balanced approach: part stocks, part bonds. Look at the different ways to invest your 401(k). Learn about the stocks and bonds that you have invested in. If you do the research, you’ll feel much better about your future.

Review what you have with your spouse or partner, make decisions for your own time horizon, and you’ll sleep better at night.

Tip #20: Create a pool of certainty in your life

Nobody likes uncertainty. It makes us uncomfortable in the best of times. And in the current economic crisis it is easy to have your faith in the things you hold most certain shaken. Finding and building on the certainties in your life will go a long way toward relieving your day-to-day stresses and anxieties.

Examine your life to find out what the bedrock values and activities are that serve to create certainty for you. Look at your values to ensure that the life you lead is the life you want.

Determine what the anchors of certainty are for your life, for example:

Is it your family? Then maximize the time and the quality of interaction with them.
Have you kept up with your friends the way you want to?
How about personal development? Have you set it aside for more “urgent” things?
Is there an organization, such as a church or charity, that you want to devote more time to?
Do you have a neglected hobby or favorite pastime?

The list could go on and on; you probably have more in mind right now. The one thing that they all seem to have in common is that they cost little or no money to cultivate. That’s the irony of the current financial mess: as they say, the best things in life are free!

Tip #21: Short-term plans may be better than long-term at this time

As you are reassessing your values and goals, take a close look at your long-term plans. They have the benefit of making you stay focused, but they have the drawback of limiting your vision and causing you to rule out lots of possibilities as they come along.{{8}}

Slavish adherence to long-term plans gets us attached to specific outcomes, when it’s possible that other outcomes we haven’t explored would be even better. Consider whether your long-term plan is actually keeping you from actuating your values by being too rigid. In a world that is constantly changing financially, technologically, and in every other way, you could miss out if you are chained to a long-term plan.

It is said that we over-estimate what we can achieve in 1 year and we under-estimate what we can achieve in 5 years. If that is the case, we are limiting ourselves by creating a 5-year plan, much less a 10-year plan.{{9}}

Think about making your long-term plans much shorter to take advantage of new possibilities and opportunities that are constantly presenting themselves. Would a better “long-term” plan be 2 years? 1 year? 9 months? And in the current recession, which is already easing up, it might be folly to commit yourself to a 5- or 10-year plan when things are changing so rapidly.

Only you can determine whether a shorter plan meets your needs and your level of comfort — but it’s something to think seriously about.

Tip #22: It’s ok to fail — it just means you are taking action

When our financial decisions are so crucial to the well-being of our families, it is easy to fall into the error that we cannot afford to make a mistake. Ironically, this attitude leads to indecision, denial, and paralysis: if you can’t afford to make a mistake, maybe it’s better if you do nothing at all.

There are a thousand quotations that urge taking action, even a wrong action. One of my favorites is by the American essayist and poet Ralph Waldo Emerson:

Don’t be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.

In the current financial situation, no one can really know what the future will hold. All we can know is what is at our feet in this journey called life. Every step we take, no matter how well thought out, no matter how well-planned, is in its essence an experiment. And experiments fail just as often as they succeed.

All we can do when we fail is to pick ourselves up and use the failure as an opportunity for growth — and for taking yet another experimental step.

You cannot get away from the fact that every step you take is experimental. All you can do is to accept the fact, or try to deny it by insisting that every action you take must be error-free.

Tip #23: Average is better than nothing: Avoiding perfectionism

Some people are prone to being perfectionists, particularly people with one of the Anxiety Disorders. They want every little “i” to be dotted precisely and every “t” crossed exquisitely. They want their plans and actions to take in every bit of information possible.

Unfortunately, perfectionists don’t live in the real world. It is impossible to have digested every piece of information or considered every option before acting — to think that you can is just setting yourself up for failure and disappointment. And more stress and anxiety.

Perfectionists know this in their heart-of-hearts, and often are the biggest procrastinators and do-nothings on the block. To take no action is mistaken as taking no incorrect action, when taking no action is a choice itself. It goes almost without saying that such an attitude leads to yet more anxiety and stress.

Cass Grange, a senior adviser associate at Lucien, Sterling & Gray Advisory Group in Austin, Texas says that, “One of the problems is the sheer volume of information out there.” Some people have trouble taking action because they’re convinced that out of all the available options, they are going to find the “perfect” one. She continues:{{10}}

I would argue that [an average outcome] is better than nothing, You don’t have to get too complicated; just do something.

Tip #24: Don’t be embarrassed to ask for a financial advisor’s help

One of the big problems people face in this recession is embarrassment, particularly if they have lost their jobs or have experienced a big financial reversal. What used to be chump change is the sum total of their unemployment checks. They are struggling to feed their families and keep a roof over their heads, perhaps for the first time in their lives. They don’t know where to look for help.

But embarrassment is not reserved only for those fallen upon hard times. Many of us find we are over our heads when we try to get a handle on our finances. Perhaps we are not good with numbers, or don’t understand our options. Maybe our finances are in such a mess that we don’t know where to start. Or maybe we’re embarrassed that we are not doing as well as the guy next door, or our sister, or our parents.

Asking for help with finances when you are embarrassed is very hard to do. We think that the financial advisor will look down on our slim wallets, our financial mess, or consider us losers for the shape we are in. Cass Grange says:{{11}}

One hang-up people have is they’re ashamed that they’re not more organized with their money and feel too embarrassed to contact a professional adviser. But a good adviser won’t be criticizing you, even if you bring in all your statements stuffed in a brown paper bag.

Tip #25: Ask for professional help

It would be nice if we had all the resources within ourselves to cope with the stress, anxiety, fear, and uncertainties of this financial crisis. But we don’t. Not one of us.

Americans are taught from the cradle to rely on ourselves, to be independent, to grit our teeth and power through every storm. We just aren’t very good at asking for help.

But we all need help from time to time. In the financial realm, it is a simple fact that not everybody is good at researching, planning, and executing a good money plan. Credit counseling services, tax advisors and financial planners are available to help you take control over your money situation. They do not work for free, but you will find that what you gain in self-assurance and peace of mind will more than offset their fees.{{12}}

If you continue to be overwhelmed by stress and anxiety, or you are involved in unhealthy behaviors in an effort to cope, you may want to talk with a mental health professional. They can help you address the emotions behind your financial worries, better manage stress and change unhealthy behaviors. Mental health professionals are experts trained to understand the connection between the mind and body as well as the factors that promote behavior change.{{13}}

Tip #26: Take care of the emotional needs of your family

It’s easy to neglect your family when you’ve just lost your job, or you have had to take a big cut in pay. The stress and anxiety you feel is felt by them, too. Tensions mount, you and your spouse argue, and the kids break into tears.

Be sure to continue to demonstrate your love and appreciation to loved ones. Hold a family meeting to discuss the situation and to agree on things each one can do. Sort out resentments, angers, and fears. It is much easier to bear a burden when it is shared with your family.

There are many activities that you can do with your family without spending any money. You could:

Write simple, thoughtful notes
Have a candlelight dinner with a toast to them
Make a CD of your partner’s favorite songs
Go on a picnic in a local park
Have a “movie” night with popcorn in front of the TV

Avoid adding to the general aggravation with your own issues that are not really that important. Stay focused on what matters to keep the home free of stress.{{14}}

Tip #27: Take care of the emotional needs of your children

Often we think that the stress and anxiety of big financial changes are the province of you and your spouse or partner. You wait until the kids are in bed to discuss finances. No matter how successful you think you are in keeping the bad news away from them, children will know that something is not right, and that mom and dad are very upset.

The children will not understand, and will think that they have done something wrong. They will transfer your fear, stress, and anxiety into their world where it will become acting out, bad grades, bedwetting, and a host of other ways that children have of expressing emotional upset.

The very first thing — not the last thing — you should do is to involve your kids. Include them in family meetings, and get everyone’s opinion on how to save money. Look upon this as an opportunity to prepare your children for the real world and to set an example of how to take charge of your money.{{15}}

Work on your own stress and anxiety, but don’t try to hide it from the kids — they will know something is wrong. Reinvigorate your efforts to show your love and attention to your children. Do not, among all your cares and woes, ignore them or take your frustration out on them.

Tip #28: Take charge of your job

Many people in this recession have lost their jobs, and many more fear they will lose them or have their pay cut.

Now is not the time to hide away, hoping that the axe will not find you, but to showcase yourself. Demonstrate your value to the company’s bottom line. If you’re not in a position that creates or saves money, offer to take on a job (even if it’s extra duties) of a position that does.

Most importantly, position yourself for the next big thing. If you’re a banker, move into workouts. If you’re in manufacturing, become the “savings chief.” If you are in sales, learn about new products outside your range of expertise.

Take advantage of job retraining in your local college or trade school. One ex-executive is going through training with gang kids in L.A. to learn about solar panels. He intends to start a business hiring his former “classmates.”{{16}}

Tip #29: Ignore your amygdala

The amygdala, the almond-shaped group of neurons in the limbic system of the brain, is considered by most neurobiologists to be the seat of our fear system. It is a very primitive part of the brain, and acts like an ape or a human would have acted, say, back when we still had lots of hair all over.{{17}}

The adrenaline that you are feeling when you see the stock exchange plummet is the amygdala going into fits, spreading fear to every part of your body. It gets you ready for what is called the “fight or flight” reaction. The problem is that stress and anxiety keep the amygdala in a constant state of alert, draining you of energy — both physical and emotional.

Knowing and being aware of your “fight or flight” status will help you learn to calm down and control it better. There are many ways to control the overreactions of your amygdala, such as:

Take slow, deep breaths
Reassure yourself that what you are feeling is just your amygdala overreacting
Relax your muscles by shaking your arms or legs. If you can’t do this, flex and relax the muscles in your arms and legs.
If you are hyperventilating or over-breathing, try to hold your breath as long as you can to prevent the dissipation of carbon dioxide.

You can’t really ignore your amygdala, but you can take steps to reduce its impact on your life.

Tip #30: Distract yourself

The stress, fear, and anxiety of the financial crisis can take over your life. You need to get away from it, to occupy your mind and body in some way to give them a break from worry.

There are many ways to distract yourself — you know the best ways. For some people it is a hobby, for others bad TV movies, and for yet others, yard work.

My mother knitted. After her two open heart surgeries and the death of my father, she knitted continuously. For many years on every occasion that called for a gift, she would present an afghan, a sweater, or a scarf. People got tired of them (we have a closet-full that we just can’t give away), but we all understood that she was knitting as a way to distract herself from the physical and emotional pain she was experiencing. I can say without hesitation that knitting added many years to her life.

Tip #31: Trust yourself

In the final analysis, you will have to trust yourself to come out of this financial crisis relatively unscathed. That doesn’t mean that you won’t face economic hardship, but that you will come out on the other side stronger and without emotional scarring.

Trust and confidence in yourself can be built. Looking the situation square in the face, realistically planning and executing your plans will give you trust in yourself. Even when you fail — and you will from time to time — self-trust will help you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and keep trying.

Focus on building trust in yourself rather than giving in to the effects of stress and anxiety. Look at the economic crisis as a way of making yourself stronger and more fit to take the opportunities that come your way. Build trust in yourself that you can face any obstacle and get past it unharmed.

You know that the recession will run its course, and the country will be back on its feet again. The trust you build now will make you a better and more emotionally fit person when it does.

Be sure to read the other parts of the series!

This is the fourth and last part of a four-part series on “Surviving the Recession.” Yesterday’s post, “Surviving the Recession, Part 3: 15 Things You Can Do to Regain Control” has 15 more tips, for a total of 31.

How are people handling the recession?
Women in particular are stressed by the economy
What the recession and economic worry are doing to us

Economic stress and mental disorders
Excessive worry may lead to Generalized Anxiety Disorder
If you’re stressed out, anxious or depressed, avoid turning to harmful behavior
Paralyzing yourself: Denial and catastrophizing

What do you think?

Whew! This series is finally finished! It’s the biggest undertaking to date here at Anxiety, Panic & Health. In total, it contains 14,298 words and 84 footnotes — enough for a small book. It has taken almost 40 hours to research and write the series. The things that immediately come to mind are the questions:

Did the series have to be so long? Could I have left out material and still have the same authority and impact?
Should I have split the sections — especially the tips — even further to aid readability? The tips might have been better as 3 parts.
Are the tips too wordy? I wanted each to be able to stand on its own, so often found myself saying some of the same words in some.

If you have any thoughts on these questions and others I should have asked myself, I would really appreciate if you were to leave a comment or use the contact form at the top of the page to email me privately.

Now, for the usual questions:

Which is your favorite tip today?
Do you disagree with any of the tips presented?
Could you add any tips of your own?

Artwork by Andy Warhol. “Dollar Signs,” 1981. Silkscreen on canvas.

As always, your comments are welcome!

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[[2]]Molitor, Nancy; Staff of American Psychological Association. (2009, April) Economic Worries Tax Out Americans as April 15 nears. Retrieved April 10. 2009 from http://www.apahelpcenter.org/articles/article.php?id=174 [[2]]

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[[17]]Borchard, Therese J. (2009, February 1). Recession Anxiety: 8 Tips to Manage Financial Stress. Retrieved April 17, 2009 from http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2009/02/01/recession-anxiety-8-tips-to-manage-financial-stress/ [[17]]