Comments on: Adult Separation Anxiety Disorder: Not Just Kids, Part 2

By: Colleen

Colleen — Fri, 23 Dec 2011 09:45:38 +0000

Unfortunately for me, I think I have you all beat on the severity this condition can escalate to! I’m 51 yrs. old. Divorced over 20 years. Raised 3 children on my own…however, through the single mom years, I always kept someone (sister or mother) to guide me…or was it just to have someone to boss me around…I guess to make decisions for me really. But up when my children were raised and on their own, it escalated…this attachment disorder! Now, I am bouncing from one adult child to another…literally living with whomever will take me. I hate myself for it. My children turned out so well, considering I was so afraid for them ALL THE TIME! And deep bouts of depression etc. etc. A few months ago, I wanted to end my life. My children thought I wanted to leave me, but NO I DIDN’T…you see I wanted to get out of their way. I can’t function like a normal adult, I never could. But when I was responsible for my children I must have loved them enough to keep plugging along. But now I can’t keep a job…and I don’t even want to try to work. And that’s so selfish and yet I keep avoiding making a life separate from my childrne. I know this disorder I have came from having been raised by a Malignant Narcisstic Mother and an Alcholic Father…not to mention being the baby of 9 children. But what about now? What can the future hold for me? There is no help for this…well, none that I can think of. I’ve always known how my “issues” have robbed me of a life of my own… and I’ve just got a diagnosis for it after coming across this blog. But what now? How do we fix this disorder? Anyone find any resources yet?

By: Karla

Karla — Sun, 04 Sep 2011 19:55:00 +0000

Does ASAD have to be with a person? My husband is a hoarder and has extreem anxiety if anything in the house is moved or thrown away. It is as if a part of him is being amputated if it is out of the house.

By: patricia

patricia — Sat, 16 Jul 2011 17:46:12 +0000

i forgot to mention the attacks happen when my son and thid family leave to go home. The feeling I describe is that of the word alone taking on a whole new meaning and becoming ALONE even though there are people all around you.
thanks

By: patricia

patricia — Sat, 16 Jul 2011 17:41:22 +0000

I am a 60 yr.old woman married with two adult children and 3 grandchildren. Every time my son and his family spend time with us on vacation I go through a terrible time with I just found out is Adult Seperation Anxiety. I guess I can say that I now have a name for it and that I’m not the only one with the disorder. my dr. gave me atavan but I only need them every so often. I have tried to reason them away but to no avail.

I had a childhood where half the time I would be in charge of my 2 brothers and 1 sister my mother was unstable and there was drinking from my father. I do remember having panic attacks when it came time for school to start never knowing if someone was going to be there or not.. One of the comments I read explains that home or the person is someplace where you feel safe. It is so true for me as long as I’m in my own house and able to get to my kids in a short period of time I’m ok.
It just seems so crazy and you would think that a smart person could figure this out, the thing is we have the knowledge but still don’t know why or how to fix this.

People don’t ubderstand that is almost so you think at time stupid you hold thw feelings in and the it gets to be Aa full blown panic attack.
I would greatly like to hear from someothers who suffer from this diorder maybe I can try with the help of other to understand why I have to be so different and not be able to help my self.
apperciate any suggestions.

By: feels pathetic

feels pathetic — Mon, 06 Jun 2011 07:28:09 +0000

I am 19 years old. I have recently gotten married in March, and I love my husband dearly. We are expecting our first child in December, and we are very excited about it.
I have noticed my whole life that I have suffered from separation anxiety. My mother also notices it as well. My parents divorced when I was about two years old. I was a very sick child so, all I had for awhile looking after me was my mom. I became so attached to her which I am sure I was attached before age two. I was her baby, and she was my world. My grandmother owned a daycare :her mother: So when she left me with my meme during the day I was okay because I was very attached to her parents as well. They were actually the only people she could leave me with. When I got to be about five years old my dad started keeping me every other weekend opposed to before Id stay with my mother’s parents when he had my sister on his visitation. Anyway, every other weekend he picked me up I can remember screaming because I didn’t want to go. Nothing against my dad I love him too. I just wanted my mother. At night it would get so bad sometimes he would actually have to take me to her, and I know this bothered her because she never could get a break. I was always right there with her. To this day I don’t know what I was so afraid of I just wanted my mom. This was so bad that I slept in the same bed with her until I was twelve years old, and she finally made me sleep alone. The first week wasn’t pleasant for me, but over time I got used to it.
Now, I am 19 years old and have recently left home with both my grandparents and my mother (not in the same home) they are just both where I call home. I am suffering from insomnia I can’t sleep, and I think it bothers my husband. Not that he is mad at me, I think I make him feel like I don’t want or need him. The problem is I still want my mom or her parents because that is home to me. I cry at night because I don’t feel at home and I miss my mom. I think the reason I am still suffering from the same disorder is because it was never treated. In therapy my therapist didn’t approach this problem, Instead she focused on other problems I have had which was good because now I have over come this problem that had a huge impact on my life. I just thought I would out grow the neediness of both my mother and her parents. I thought as I got older it would go away and I would be more comfortable living with my husband, but I am not comfortable. It is 1:46am and I am crying to go “home” while my husband sleeps because he has work in a few hours. I am supposed to be home with my husband and our child that I am carrying. BUT…I don’t feel at home, which is very strange even to me. I know it’s strange to others but it’s even weird to me, and I am the one with the problem. I am to the point I do not know what to do. It’s always been pretty bad I have never been able to stay the night with a friend, I would get “home sick” and go home. Since I have been married every night I go through it… where I want to go to my safe place “home” most nights I get over it when my husband reassures me I am home and he loves me.
Now, that I am pregnant…I got pregnant at the beginning of april so we were married like a week and a half when i conceived but we didn’t find out until april 25th. Anyway. back to the point. Since I have been pregnant my “problem” ( That’s what I call it) has only gotten worse. I want my mother!!!!! Not just to go “home” to her or her parents. Now, I want her all the time. It’s really sad how dependent I am upon her. I have a husband and I should want my husband to be with me through my pregnancy, and I do want him to be. I just want my mother to be here too!
I avoid calling her on a daily basis and I don’t usually answer if she calls during the week because I don’t want her to know how pathetic I am. So, I avoid it all together. I usually talk to her on the weekends, and I see her mostly on Sunday’s. But I know she can tell that I need her. For some reason I feel like I need her here with me…. I don’t understand why I am so needy. I am an adult with a child on the way, and I still cry for my mother. I feel pathetic, and crazy. I actually feel like a crazy person. It is getting so bad that I dont know what to do.
I’m not completely sure if having a baby is what is making my “problem” worse than it was before, but I feel strongly that it is. When I am in pain I want my mother. That’s just how it’s always been and I think that’s why during my pregnancy my “problem” is getting worse because I am in pain, and I am emotional.

I feel like my “problem” is going to ruin my marriage because of me still not feeling comfortable in our home. I am terrified that one day I will leave, and go “home.” I don’t want to leave my husband because I love him with all my heart. I love my child with all my heart, and I havent even seen her/him yet. I know I will be a wonderful mother and that’s why I haven’t really mentioned any concern about the baby. Although, I am sure some of you are concerned about what I am going to do with a child if I still want my mother, and I am grown.
I was raised in a daycare my entire life, therefore I worked in one as well, I am very good with children of all ages. I recently went to college for early childhood development. So, I know a lot about children and the way they grow and learn. I am a very loving person and I adore children!!! They seem to love me as well. I am not scared about having a baby because I know how to love and take care of a child. This baby is already my shinning star! (: he/she is the light of my life and I can not wait for he/she to arrive.
Thank you for the information you have giving me on this! It has been very helpful and the comments are very helpful as well. I am so releved to know that I am not the only one suffering from this aniexty. I am going to start dealing with my “problem” through love and theaphy. (: thank you so much for allowing me to comment. this website really helped me!!

By: inthedark

inthedark — Sat, 09 Apr 2011 14:51:36 +0000

Finally, an enlightening article that helps me understand why my daughter rarely allows her children (two teenagers and one younger child) to have experiences without her. She panics if they are out of her sight, with the exception of school. She does not allow any overnight visits with grandparents. The family unit is so close it sometimes feels like a sect bonded together against outside influences.

What began as puzzlement on my part…and hurt at being kept at arms’ length from grandchildren… now has a name thanks to your articles, i.e., adult separation disorder. My daughter takes medication to control panic disorder, but the symptoms of panic disorder didn’t seem to include separation anxiety with regard to one’s children. I now believe there may be co-morbidity involved, both panic disorder and separation anxiety disorder.

I worry how these parental disorders will ultimately affect the children, all three of whom seem extraordinarily affectionate towards their mother and compliant with her restrictions on their lives. (The father also defers to the mother and supports the limitations she places on the children. I witness him rationalizing the behaviors as in the children’s best interests. When questioned about the wisdom of such hovering behavior, he calls it simply the style of parenting they have chosen.) It is my hope that they will grow into well adjusted adults despite the mother’s illness.

I am wondering what the children’s chances for a productive life are and whether there is anything grandparents can do to help the parents. Will these children be OK?

By: Freesebaby

Freesebaby — Wed, 02 Mar 2011 19:41:38 +0000

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do -Eleanor Roosevelt.

Whatever your insecurities are or the things that make you feel like you’re clingy or “crazy” are rooted in fear. There are so many things we fear but knowing that we will be ok “if” and/or “when” those things that we fear happen is the only thing that will set us free. Fear breeds anger, manipulation and control. The opposite of fear is faith-it is knowing that you will be alright with everything or with nothing. We are much stronger than we think we are!

By: distraught son

distraught son — Mon, 03 Jan 2011 07:55:16 +0000

I too have felt the effects of looking too far into symptoms and their causes on the internet. I’ve read myself into a panic attack more than once doing that. I truly believe however that i suffer from this condition. I’m 24 years old and have been diagnosed with a chemical imbalance when i was 16. I worked hard and eventually and gradually i overcame that rough time in my life. I’ve recently (relatively) lost my grandmother and my cat that i both loved very much. It seems to have brought mortality to my attention (oblivious before i know). I find myself worried and scared ( incredibly so) of losing my parents, brother, best friend and other 2 kittens. I find myself thinking of what i would do if i ever lost one or all of them and it scares me into a panic attack everytime. I am so close to them all that i really have no idea what i would do without any one of them much less all of them. I really feel like i wouldn’t survive. every symptom listed here i have experienced more than once. The worrying comes and goes and i find some solace to know that this is a disorder and not just me being obsessive and crazy. I’ve confided these facts to my family and they all understand, my mom said she went through this herself around my age. I also know that some worry about this at some point in life is necessary and normal but i fear for how long it will be so dominant in my mind and day to day life. I just love my family so much.

By: A big mess

A big mess — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 17:00:04 +0000

I have been looking for answers to my emotions for a while now, and I have not been able to understand myself, until now. I know I have ASAD. I fear my husband will leave me all the time, even though we just got married 5 months ago. When I am alone, I am depressed. I am constantly by my phone, hoping I will hear from him while he is at work. I left a previous job because it required me to work overnight, and being away from him all night was too much to handle. When I would get home the following morning, I did not want to sleep becasue it was usually his day off and I was so desperate to spend time with him. When I did fall asleep I would always awake angry and upset because I felt I had wasted time I could have been spending with him. I always want to know where he is, and what he is doing when I am not around, but I also ALWAYS want to be around! When he gets home I know I make him upset, and it kills me to know that I do. I want to be all tied up like a pretzel with him every time we are home together. I never want space, or to allow him space. I know I am wrong, but I can’t control myself. When we are not wrapped up together, I get depressed, even if he is right next to me.. although it is far worse when we are apart. Recently I feel more and more like my relationship is going to end and he is going to leave me if I don’t stop, but I just can’t! I am leaving tomorrow for a ten day business trip and I have never been away from him for that long since the day we got together. Ever since I found out I would be leaving my ASAD has become so much worse. I can’t get horrible thoughts out of my head and I am dreading the worst all the time. My husband tells me I need to stop, I need to be happy, but I just can’t compose myself sometimes! I am being ridiculous with my actions and I want to stop! I want to be healthy and normal! My father is a drug addict and warned me in a letter about having an addictive personality. The only thing I am addicted to is my husband. He told me I need to stop being so “obsessed” and he is right. I have never been an insecure person until I met my husband. I am constantly comparing myself to other women and telling myself that they have better traits than I do and hoping my husband doesn’t think so too. I get upset when we watch movies on seperate couches! And also when we watch movies with nudity, because I think, “I bet he wishes I looked like that” or “I hope he doesn’t leave me for someone like her”. I am fine when I watch movies with nudity alone, I just don’t like thinking of him watching them. I have had many emotional outbursts lately and they are getting extreme. I know my marriage will be on the line if I don’t stop! I just don’t know how. I love my husband more than anything in the world and I cannot imagine life without him. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I want to have kids now, and I think that urgency might come from wanting something that needs me. He wants to wait, and really I know I do too, we have so much we want to do before that day comes. He has given me so much to try to make me happy. I don’t know what is going to happen to me when tomorrow comes. Ten days seems like an eternity to me. I have been telling myself, and hoping that maybe this will be a good thing, maybe when I get home he will want to be around me and close to me just as much as I do him, but I know it will not be that easy for me. I don’t know what to do. I know I need to be happy for him, but my ASAD is taking control of all of my emotions. It upsets me that he doesn’t think the same way as I do, even though I know there is something wrong with me. I want him to miss me as much as I miss him. I want him to be sad that I’m leaving, but he handles everything so well! Just as I should! I know, if I can control myself, we will spend the rest of our lives together, and that should be enough for me! But, it’s just not, and I need it to be. I need to control myself, my ASAD. I love my husband too much to cause him pain, and I know I shouldn’t be doing this to myself.

By: LM

LM — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 19:25:28 +0000

I’m 24 years old, married for almost 3 years. I’ve just been recently separated because of my behavior and emotional outbursts. My husband and I have a son together. I have not gone to the doctor about any of the symptoms I’ve had but from reading this article is coming very close to home. Although, I should probably get a full examination from my physician about this. But from reading this article, I have realized that I remember when I was younger being completely upset every time my parents left me with my grandmother. And whenever my mother left me with my dad, I’d get completely upset as well. In the back of my mind I knew they were coming back for me and my siblings but I wouldn’t take it as well as they my siblings did. I would cry and try to grab my mom to stay. I feel that now it has stemmed back into adulthood because every time my husband left the house I would try to call him until I reached him. He has found my behavior unbearable and has decided to separate from me. And every time any of my family want to take my son out, I try to not panic but a majority of the time I just tell them no and they respect my decision. But a majority of the time I don’t want to be left at home but I also don’t want to leave the house. I am currently unemployed and looking for work. I feel like what I have may be ASAD because of the traits I feel like I have portrayed. A lot of my family have been telling me that my behavior has gotten too irrational. I didn’t want to my husband to leave so I did hid his clothes and his car keys. It has gotten to the point where I’ve been doing a lot of irrational things and don’t understand why I do them, but the last few things I’ve done have been because I don’t want my husband to leave. When I last went to the doctor, she said that I may have anxiety disorder. But I’ll have to go back again and see if I really do have ASAD.