Comments on: Adult Separation Anxiety Disorder: Not Just Kids, Part 2

By: A big mess

A big mess — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 17:00:04 +0000

I have been looking for answers to my emotions for a while now, and I have not been able to understand myself, until now. I know I have ASAD. I fear my husband will leave me all the time, even though we just got married 5 months ago. When I am alone, I am depressed. I am constantly by my phone, hoping I will hear from him while he is at work. I left a previous job because it required me to work overnight, and being away from him all night was too much to handle. When I would get home the following morning, I did not want to sleep becasue it was usually his day off and I was so desperate to spend time with him. When I did fall asleep I would always awake angry and upset because I felt I had wasted time I could have been spending with him. I always want to know where he is, and what he is doing when I am not around, but I also ALWAYS want to be around! When he gets home I know I make him upset, and it kills me to know that I do. I want to be all tied up like a pretzel with him every time we are home together. I never want space, or to allow him space. I know I am wrong, but I can’t control myself. When we are not wrapped up together, I get depressed, even if he is right next to me.. although it is far worse when we are apart. Recently I feel more and more like my relationship is going to end and he is going to leave me if I don’t stop, but I just can’t! I am leaving tomorrow for a ten day business trip and I have never been away from him for that long since the day we got together. Ever since I found out I would be leaving my ASAD has become so much worse. I can’t get horrible thoughts out of my head and I am dreading the worst all the time. My husband tells me I need to stop, I need to be happy, but I just can’t compose myself sometimes! I am being ridiculous with my actions and I want to stop! I want to be healthy and normal! My father is a drug addict and warned me in a letter about having an addictive personality. The only thing I am addicted to is my husband. He told me I need to stop being so “obsessed” and he is right. I have never been an insecure person until I met my husband. I am constantly comparing myself to other women and telling myself that they have better traits than I do and hoping my husband doesn’t think so too. I get upset when we watch movies on seperate couches! And also when we watch movies with nudity, because I think, “I bet he wishes I looked like that” or “I hope he doesn’t leave me for someone like her”. I am fine when I watch movies with nudity alone, I just don’t like thinking of him watching them. I have had many emotional outbursts lately and they are getting extreme. I know my marriage will be on the line if I don’t stop! I just don’t know how. I love my husband more than anything in the world and I cannot imagine life without him. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I want to have kids now, and I think that urgency might come from wanting something that needs me. He wants to wait, and really I know I do too, we have so much we want to do before that day comes. He has given me so much to try to make me happy. I don’t know what is going to happen to me when tomorrow comes. Ten days seems like an eternity to me. I have been telling myself, and hoping that maybe this will be a good thing, maybe when I get home he will want to be around me and close to me just as much as I do him, but I know it will not be that easy for me. I don’t know what to do. I know I need to be happy for him, but my ASAD is taking control of all of my emotions. It upsets me that he doesn’t think the same way as I do, even though I know there is something wrong with me. I want him to miss me as much as I miss him. I want him to be sad that I’m leaving, but he handles everything so well! Just as I should! I know, if I can control myself, we will spend the rest of our lives together, and that should be enough for me! But, it’s just not, and I need it to be. I need to control myself, my ASAD. I love my husband too much to cause him pain, and I know I shouldn’t be doing this to myself.

By: LM

LM — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 19:25:28 +0000

I’m 24 years old, married for almost 3 years. I’ve just been recently separated because of my behavior and emotional outbursts. My husband and I have a son together. I have not gone to the doctor about any of the symptoms I’ve had but from reading this article is coming very close to home. Although, I should probably get a full examination from my physician about this. But from reading this article, I have realized that I remember when I was younger being completely upset every time my parents left me with my grandmother. And whenever my mother left me with my dad, I’d get completely upset as well. In the back of my mind I knew they were coming back for me and my siblings but I wouldn’t take it as well as they my siblings did. I would cry and try to grab my mom to stay. I feel that now it has stemmed back into adulthood because every time my husband left the house I would try to call him until I reached him. He has found my behavior unbearable and has decided to separate from me. And every time any of my family want to take my son out, I try to not panic but a majority of the time I just tell them no and they respect my decision. But a majority of the time I don’t want to be left at home but I also don’t want to leave the house. I am currently unemployed and looking for work. I feel like what I have may be ASAD because of the traits I feel like I have portrayed. A lot of my family have been telling me that my behavior has gotten too irrational. I didn’t want to my husband to leave so I did hid his clothes and his car keys. It has gotten to the point where I’ve been doing a lot of irrational things and don’t understand why I do them, but the last few things I’ve done have been because I don’t want my husband to leave. When I last went to the doctor, she said that I may have anxiety disorder. But I’ll have to go back again and see if I really do have ASAD.

By: lil miss gloomy doom

lil miss gloomy doom — Sun, 04 Jul 2010 22:59:32 +0000

I have found this article interesting.Except for the part where it says “needy,insecure people” Which I am the opposite. I was in a relationship for 8 years.We have known each other since we where 13 i am 27 now. 16 to 24 we where together. Wasnt apart from each other in those years but only 5 days. He barely said goodbye, up and took off, I found out he broke up with me by a mutual friend that he called and asked him if he heard he broke up with me..It still impacts me deeply to this day, when your whole world disappears without a reason why,or even a goodbye.Your left to pick up your shatterd pieces by your self. And in that are afraid to let anyone in, It causes alcohol and drug abuse just to numb the pain you feel in your heart,insomnia or cant wake up. inable to focus on your job, or being happy,anxiety, flairing up with IBS, depression.Separation anxiety is just a portion what makes up a broken and burnt heart..Time heals all wounds though,,Thats what “they” say anyway.

By: cheryl

cheryl — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 11:31:51 +0000

Been married now 29 years, well can’t count the last as my husband and I separated now for 12months. I know that it has been my issue that has led us to this point, with my obsession that he will leave me for someone better and more interesting than me. He has been travelling interstate now for more years than I care to remember and I have been so lonely. I am just really tired of being alone, yet I can’t imagine my life without him in it.
Recent events, he told me he couldn’t keep doing this anymore, as he didn’t want to hurt me. Yet since then has given me extravagant gifts for Valentines Day, I am getting mixed messages, cause I know in my heart that all I want is for him to love me.
Now when he goes away I may get a call or I may not. Some say he is going through something, but I think a lot of the time he is testing me to see what I will do without any contact. I believe it to be true and very cruel.
Maybe this is what I have this a ASAD. Would like someone else’s opinion before my marriage is totally destroyed.

By: L.

L. — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 19:24:10 +0000

I am a middle aged, divorced female who can very much relate to the feelings of others with ASAD. My husband divorced me in April. In July, however,he contacted me and wanted to try to rebuild our relationship. I was agreeable,since I had been miserable and unable to sleep or eat since the divorce.About 5 days ago he again told me he wants to “back off ” because he says he is worn out from us trying to act like a married couple again when we’re not. I have been again physically sick and unable to eat or sleep since he told me this. This comes at an especially stressful time,since it is the middle of the holidays and I am working 60 hours a week. I have had to see a therapist in the past because of a traumatic failed marriage who told me I was codependent. After finding this information on ASAD though, I am wondering if this is what is wrong with me. The article and comments have been very informative and helpful.

By: drug recovery

drug recovery — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 18:02:50 +0000

I think that substance abuse is a major reason for anxiety. It makes life terrible for both the addict and the people around him. I think that more people should be aware of what drugs and alcohol do to people.

By: JAMES

JAMES — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 18:54:16 +0000

MAN I AM 55 MARRIED 27 YRS 2 KIDS AND FEEL EVERY WAY THE SAME AS SHE DOES WHEN APART I FLIP I CRY SOBB AND MISS THEM SO MUCH CANT LOOK TO THE FUTURE NO SLEEP LONELINESS BUT WITH THEM MUCH BETTER ITS THE WORST FEELING LIKE THE WORLD MINE IS GONE HEY LOVES A BIG PART DOCTORS SAY THATS AN EMOTION B.S. THEY CANT GAUGE LOVE SORRY SHE LOVES YOU AND NEEDS YOU KEEP HER .MAN I KNOW HOW SHE FEELS GOD BLESS JAMES

By: Darryl

Darryl — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 00:36:11 +0000

Mike,

Thank you for writing the article. I found it interesting and thought-provoking, though like you I mistrust self-diagnosis through web research and trendy conditions. The symptoms of ASAD seem to fit my situation, so I thought I would provide a bit of background and see what you think.

I work for a consulting firm where I have to travel consistently to the client site. Every week almost without exception I fly out Monday morning and fly back Thursday night, leaving early and arriving late. I live with my girlfriend of 3 years who works a 9-5 job in the city in which we live. Because we are apart during the week, there is a lot of pressure to spend every second on the weekends together, mostly applied by her. I have several good friends in the city, but haven’t seen any of them without her around in almost a year.

Often times she is miserable from the moment I arrive to the moment I leave because she is sad that I will inevitably leave again. She will frequently tear up for no externally evident reason. I have tried to be sensitive, but it takes a massive effort to calm her down, and I am often unsuccessful. Making things worse, I have lost my temper several times and been curt (never disrespectful or violent). It is just exhausting to be constantly trying to cheer her up when I have little energy in the first place from a demanding job (60+ hrs./week plus travel time). What worries me most is that on many Sundays she will get headaches and stomach aches that are apparently stress related. She also has said that she gets acne due to stress. I have tried to suggest activities like calling one of her many friends in the city or volunteering, but her social interactions without me have been infrequent and limited to people she works with. When we talk on the phone she usually has come directly home from work, and complains about being lonely, sad, and sometimes physically ill.

I have no desire to end the relationship, as I care for her deeply, we have had many good times and have a lot in common. However, I know that our current situation is not sustainable. I just don’t want to “abandon ship” and leave her to fend for herself; it would not be the right thing to do. Your article and others have made me think that I should suggest seeing a mental health professional, but I don’t think recommending that to her would garner a positive reaction, as oftentimes when I become impatient she will say, “You just think I’m crazy!”

My question for you is, have the symptoms I described led you to believe that she may possibly have ASAD? If not, what is your opinion? Should she see a mental health professional, and how do I approach her with the suggestion without insulting her or making her more self-conscious?

Thank you in advance,

Darryl

By: Adult Separation Anxiety Disorder: Not Just Kids, Part 1 — Anxiety, Panic & Health

Thu, 16 Apr 2009 21:13:22 +0000

[...] Tomorrow’s post continues with these headings: [...]