My parents divorced when I was three years old and my two older sisters and I were put in Salvation Army institutions for children until my father gained sole custody. My two older sisters were placed together in an institution for older children. I was placed in a separate institution for babies and toddlers.

The separation from my father when I went to live with my mother at age 15 was also a difficult period. Then there was the separation from my mother again when I left home at age 19 years.

I am 55 years old now, but still feel the emotional pain of separation from both parents. This childhood and adolescent separation anxiety has persisted into adulthood and never been diagnosed. It surfaced in undiagnosed depression at age 22 years associated with an existential crisis, and then again in severe depression and suicidal tendancy at age 54 years in association with my grown up children leaving home and yet another existential crisis.

Fortunately I am still married (never been divorced). I put the longevity of my marriage down to continued education (I have a degree and two diplomas in different fields) and a thirst for knowledge about ethical philosophy and more lately ethnology (ethical neurobiology). I also attribute the long gap between my first and second existential crisis down to the placating effect of creating a substitute paternal and maternal emotional attachment in a cognitive construct that I called my soul, and with which I believed I could communicate with a supernatural being many call God/Jesus.

The eventual realisation of what I had done mentally, and the anxiety that this sense of total responsibility for my well-being and ethical behaviour led to the second severe existential crisis.

I suspect that there are many more millions of adults with undiagnosed ASAD resulting from the affects of parental marriage breakups. I suspect there are also many millions of adults who have attempted to placate their anxiety with religion.

Do you know of any ways to help control, help, or deal with someone that as separation anxiety?

Thanks!

I just wanted to comment with thanks for the rich information in the posting. I am 20 yrs old and have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about 4 yrs now and suffer greatly from ASAD symptoms for both seperation and anticipation of seperation. When I/her are at work and are seperated my mind can’t focus on the task at hand and wonders to distressing thoughts of losing her. I often dream of this too, sometimes recalling the dream entirely and sometimes never remembering the dream, but waking with such a jolt, I can never return to sleep. Also, during more stressful events like moving apt’s and changing jobs/working hrs, the anxiety becomes worse sometimes causing panic attacks where I can’t control my breathing and my hands and face go numb. I have struggled with this for years and with more people in my life as well, and its tough to try and hide.

I had sap as a child that was untreated. My father lived out of area and would drive us to stop a few streets from my moms. I would always go there complaining of sicknesses and sometimes becoming physically ill so that I could stay close to my mother. I would cry and have panic attacks if she wouldn’t answer her phone as a young child and still held onto other childhood actions such as rocking myself to sleep and impulse to be coddled. This too is debilitating for me as it makes me feel weak for a 250ib man. Though her lifestyle was dangerous as she slowly progressed from alcahol to drugs. I lost her at age 12 from heroine. It was the hardest thing in my life to go through.

Through all of this though I still try to control my symptoms and usually can take control. I try and distract myself daily with more chores and other activities to take my mind off of the feeling, but every day is still a struggle.

If there is any information that you have, or can direct me to, about how to better control/overcome these symptoms please let me know. Thank you for your time.

Drew

I was reading several post and found that some people suffer from this disorder because of child hood trauma. Both physical and mental abuse attribute to the disorder. I was everything short of killed as a child. My mother being of the abusive nature showed discipline with her fist, and various objects around the house. Belts, extension, chords, meat tenderizers and others were all used in “disciplining” the child. She also seem to only attract abusive boyfriends. You get the picture! How can a mother point a gun at her 15 year old son, LOADED!!! Then in the same week say how much she cares. I think that may have something to do with my separation anxiety. Never fully understanding what a healthy relationships is suppose to look like.

I want it to stop so bad. I hate feeling this way! I especially hate the strain it can put on a relationships sometimes. I’m truly happy with my wife, I don’t want this to cause any more damage. How do I work through this?