Comments on: Adult Separation Anxiety Disorder: Not Just Kids, Part 1

By: John

John — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 22:03:53 +0000

Oh my God! I have finally found a name for what “ails” me. As I look back on my earlier life, I realize that this disorder has been pervasive since in my late teens. I never got into relationships because I did not have the faith in myself to be “good enough” for someone else.
But for the last ten years, it has gotten ridiculously debilitating. Everytime I find someone I truly bond with, they seem to leave, probably because my incessant need to know where they are and what they are doing at all times causes them to.

I have not been to work in the last four days because my significant other has been staying with family. I do not eat or sleep whe he is not with me. I consistently browbeat him about being a better spouse. I have physical manifestations such as sweating palms, headaches, etcx.
I am currentlt taking Zoloft but it does absolutely nothing for the feelings of abject fear when we are apart. Now I geuss I know what to tak with my Dr. about. Thank you for an informative article and a place to start.

By: Lara

Lara — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 06:49:02 +0000

Thanks to this post and one other, I too now have a name for what I suffered from as a child and all the way through my adulthood. I felt ashamed and defective for my over-attachment to my mother (mostly caused by the rejection of my father I imagine). I am now a 36 year old mother of a two year old daughter. The same attachment I had for my mom (now gone due to heart disease) that plagued me through the end of her life I seem to have transferred to my toddler daughter. I’ve always known that this is debilitating and unhealthy, and I fear what my attachment to her does to her. Fortunately she is being socialized better than I had the opportunity since I couldn’t stand separations with my mom (she couldn’t leave the house without me or even see a movie, and I refused overnights with my grandmother), so she is doing a little better than I did at her age. I hope that I can find a mental health provider that is familiar with this disorder that can offer some hope, help and treatment. I live in California and am always terrified of being at work, away from my daughter and husband during the major earthquake we know will soon come. It is painful to live this way. When I was a child, I sometimes wondered if it wouldn’t be better to just not exist, as there wouldn’t be that fear and terror of something happening to my mother…and not its my daughter I fear separation from most. Its so sad.

By: D. Muldrew

D. Muldrew — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 17:06:06 +0000

I beLieve I have been affected by Adult Separation Disorder since my early twenties (currently 52). I lost my parents in my early twenties and my only brother never recovered from their death. I now have a wonderful family – an 11 yearold boy and an 8 year old girl. Whenever my wife and children go away I am plagued with excessive worrying and sometimes very fearful about their safety. I have learned to manage it but it is not fun at all – the feeling can be relentless.

By: paula

paula — Sun, 27 Jun 2010 17:23:10 +0000

Hi. Separation anxiety disorder is destroying my life, and probably my husband’s and two sons as well. My sons are just graduated from University and may want to go abroad to further their studies, I am falling apart at the thought of it, how will I manage without them, they would be so far away if anything happened to me/them. I ring my husband constantly during the day and if he doesn’t answer I become obsessed and keep ringing until he answers. I had a childhood trauma, I was in a childrens home for about 8 weeks when I was 20 months old because my mother was in hospital and my father couldnt mind me. It had an awful impact on me, right through my whole life. I can remember it, I fretted so much apparently I wouldn’t eat and got pneumonia. This is affecting me so much right now, I suffer from generalised anxiety disorder, panic disorder and depression. I cannot enjoy the present because I am so afraid of the future if this makes sense ? I really need advice on what to do to be able to move forward and and also be happy for my sons if they are furthering their education away from home. I just don’t want anyone to leave me, I am very needy and that is not good at 54 years of age. Can anyone help ?

By: Emma

Emma — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 11:55:22 +0000

I think this might be what i have. I am planning on moving to Canada, on my own and until i got my visa i was fine, but the minute this came through, i started feeling very scared at the prospect of moving so far away from my parents who live just 10 minutes away now. I was shaking and feeling nauseas and keep having “what if” thoughts, what if something happens to them and i cannot get back in time, what if i don’t fit in, what if no one likes me, what if i cannot find another job and give up everything i have here etc etc.

My main worry, however, is moving so far away from my dad and mum, which is very worrying as i am nearly 37 years of age and i think this must be crazy at my age.

I feel like i am losing it and cannot stop worrying about everything.

By: Movie Soundtracks On CD

Movie Soundtracks On CD — Wed, 26 May 2010 07:11:31 +0000

the publish seems to upward being great and really much helpful to the people along with repetitive searches for these kind of articles. Thank you really much.

By: LeLe

LeLe — Thu, 15 Apr 2010 03:00:33 +0000

Hi Mike,
I think I suffer with this disorder, because anytime Im in a relationship I never want to end it even when I know that its not a healthy relatinship and it not going any where. I have sat down an thought about this over the years and I feel like I continue to go back an forth with these unhealthy relationships because I don’t want to be alone. I always feel a scense of abondonment.

By: Dana Souther

Dana Souther — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 20:06:37 +0000

Hello Mike, I actually stumbled across a website called ‘Misdiagnosed’ last night and could not believe what i was reading was actually true. I am a 34yr. old woman that has been been diagnosed with bi-polar about 5 yrs ago. I think i need to back up a little bit first. My mom and dad divorced when i was 6 mos old. She raised me ( the best she could). I have a sister and brother that was with my dad. I very vaguely remember going there and the only 2 mental pics I have was having asthma attacks and my brother wanting to play “spin the bottle”. I was like 4yrs. old. there wasnt ever a hug from my dad tho. In 1992, i was 16, mom moved us to Arkansas. Not 6 mos later she attempted suicide while i was at school. I got into a fight that day and needed her and she was dying. Got her to the ER and they took her to a Mental hospital in Springfld. she never came back. i was homeless. I’m 34 now. I was married for 7 years. I got involved with a church for 6 of those years. I got very close to the pastors. i didnt trust them for like 3 yrs but when i did I thanked God for them. it was like I was given a second chance to be a loveable daughter. In 2003 they left and I was divorced the next year. (no attachment to my husband)? after my divorced I met I believe was my soul-mate. I hadnt been diagnosed with bipolar yet and was emotionally everywhere. I know that A.J. had gotten me thru the grieve of losing my pastors. we were engaged but I left him (for my kids-was my reasoning) in 2005. he was only 21 and i believed we would end up marriedd. He died Oct. 25, 2006. After he died I started having siezures. since the seizures my short term memory has been damaged. Ive never had a long term one. I do not remember 7th grade down and it’s vague. I got addicted to opiads from back surgery in 04. Ive overdosed many times and finally i wnt to a drug rehab and was released Oct. 6 2009/ I havent touched pills since but I still self medicate with alcohol ect. I got into a fast relationship and he left me because of a fight in walmart. seemed silly to me but i felt myself breaking. In the past month my blood pressure has been high. it’s been perfect my whole life until now. My anxiety level is sky high. I forgot, my mom moved back here 2 yrs ago b/c she heard i was bad since A.J. died. well, i started having a burning spot on the back of my left shoulder and it will go thr me under my breastbone. i get sharp pains that radiates thru my side and a little down my arm. hurts to breath in. i have asthma and its not that but different like my lung has collapsed. I havent felt it for like 3 days tho. it was concerning me cause i would just walk out to the car and be just exhausted and in pain. I suppose that’s my story up to this point and cant wait for some input. p.s. i left out about my girls. me being poor “insane” and “selfish”( according to this town) i have given their dad and his family permission to let them live there. we have joint cust. but I know I’m not fit. I see them at least 3 times a week and feel guilty at times. it sucks to not ever been given a chance to be a “normal” mother, daughter, wife or sister. But i have to accept that is wasnt in the cards for me. I now have a little hope for a peaceful mind. if i have seperation anxiety disorder you havent a clue the guilt that i dont have to have anymore. It will put a “stamp of approval” on me if you will.

By: Judy Sayre

Judy Sayre — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 03:57:00 +0000

Mike, Since I last wrote to you about 71/2 mo ago, my boyfriend also left me and married another woman. I have become totally unclinging. I do not associate with anyone. When someone tries to just be a friend, I immediately think this won’t last so why go there? Is this normal? I have become very cautious and stay to myself. I do not want to get close to anyone. I still have not seen my daughter or grandchildren and don’t want to for fear seperation will happen again. Am I actually getting over this? However, this is no life. Thanks Mike. Judy

By: Anon

Anon — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 00:33:55 +0000

Hi Mike. I am pretty sure I suffer from ASAD and know that I suffered from separation anxiety as a child. However, as a child you could scream and cry and people would come to your rescue. As an adult, I need to deal with the anxiety on my own and let it fester, which is terribly uncomfortable. For me, ASAD manifests itself most horribly in breakups. I think I have come to take control of my ASAD in terms of leaving my family, or leaving home for a while, and while there is always the initial nerves, I have mentally overcome them and they do not effect me severely or for long periods of time (there is always an adjustment period, but it gets shorter as I get older). On top of the fact that I know my family will always be there for me. In terms of breakups, this could be with a close friend or with a boyfriend, I am effected horribly. And for years and months I have stayed in bad relationships, wrapped up in a person, and allow them to put me on the back burner (and I put up with this treatment) because the relief of being with them and the relief of my anxiety, generally outweighs the negatives in the relationship. I also feel this ASAD with friends, and often get very upset when friendships have ending points. I struggle with this anxiety on a daily basis when I am single and it effects my work and I cannot focus, however, it subsides when I am around alot of people and close friends. Further, having plans to do something with someone and knowing that I will not be alone also reduces this anxiety. It completely disappears when I am with an ex-boyfriend. Although, hanging around ex boyfriends has become increasingly unhealthy and I want to take the final stance to move on-any suggestions as far as what to do to deal with this anxiety?