The article was helpful to me because the more proof I have that other people with similar diagnoses have similar behaviors, thoughts or symptoms, the more I can believe, and show to those around me that I have a brain disorder 9disease) and it is real and works in similar ways with all different kinds of people who contract it.

So that when I want to kill myself, I know intellectually that lots of people who have developed the disease I have have thought of kiling themselves, just as lots of people who contract chicken pox develop a red inchy rash. It gives me comfort that when I have thoughts which I can identify as not normal, I don’t feel as though I’ve lost control of my mind, I’m just experiencing a symptom. just as people who have chicken pox haven’t lost control of their skin, it’s just a symptom, it will pass.

And it’s not their fault that they’re experiencing the symprtoms of a disease, therefore my experiences of the symptoms of my disease aren’t my fault either.

I found this article very interesting. I have severe troubles with anxiety, a few years ago I was agoraphobic and couldn’t leave my house, anxiety has always been a problem in my life starting from childhood, separation anxiety, OCD etc. As I got older I turned my anxiety into anger. Anyway my point is I am now 20yo and finally have control of my life thanks to Valium. I started taking it when I was 17yo and it has done wonders for me. From not being able to leave my house, I am now studying full time at university and spending time with my friends. I still have trouble going places sometimes usually when they are far away from home. My quality of life have improved dramatically and I havent attempted suicide in 4 years. My anxiety was so crippling I just didn’t want to live.
Unfortunately, I found out yesterday my doctor has been restricted from prescribing anymore drugs pending investigation (I have no idea why) but the point is. I can’t get anymore Valium and I’m so frightened and worried that my life might come crumbling down around me. :(

Yes – the best thing to me about Buddhism is that it allows me, through a very natural process, take 100% responsibility for all of my suffering. This translates into having the faith that I can change anything in my life.

John

Fear of losing control, fear of dying — panic attacks, and indeed most of the Anxiety Disorders, are based on fear. Like you say, you have to face that fear directly if you ever hope to gain some relief.

I used to have panic attacks similar to what you mention in your post, I’m Dying: What a Panic Attack Feels Like, but then I changed things through my Buddhist practice. It took me a while, but I finally realized that my fear of “losing control” actually made the attacks more intense.

As soon as I faced that fear head-on, the attacks because less frequent.

John

I can empathize with your suicidal ideation. I’ve been there often and feel that deep despair literally sucks the soul from your body. It’s good that you realize that it’s your mental condition that’s doing the talking during those times.

I have started a series of posts about how it feels to have various Anxiety Disorders. The first one was I’m Dying: What a Panic Attack Feels Like. One of the purposes of these posts is to give “people on the outside” a sense of what a person with Anxiety Disorders really is undergoing.

So many people have no experience with mental disorders, and believe that the sufferer is just weak, has a character flaw, or could “snap out of it” if they wanted to. Unfortunately, this attitude and the stigma of mental illness is entrenched in our culture. I have written several posts about this subject, such as Scapegoating and the Stigma of Mental Illness, and intend to write more.

I welcome your suggestions on post topics that would be of help to your parents and friends to help them understand what you’re going through.

I have learnt that suicidal ideation is moreso linked to ‘Generalized Anxiety Disorder.’ When ill, I believe that I’m never going to get better; the world isn’t going to get better and my finances are going to remain horrid because of an inability to work. I’m always aware the suicidal thoughts are a manifestation of the illness and never act on them.

When I get to the nervous and physically anxious stage I have to be really careful. I’m so desperate for the symptoms to subside, I start to seriously contemplate it. This is usually when I trigger a panic attack just to get the feelings over with and can get to sleep.

Its really disturbing. I get depression associated with anxiety and often find its a welcome relief. Even more disturbing, I found that telling others that your anxiety does make you feel suicidal actually gives you credibility in their eyes.

Thank you for this blog. I’m thinking of pointing my parents towards it as many of their beliefs of my illness are so off the mark :( Will read through some more of your posts!

- Jade