My son is 48 years old and besides having a crack addiction since 1980′s, he is very talented in the computer industry, which resulted in him attaining high salaried positions in thst field. He has a teen age son by a previous relationship, a ten year old, beautiful, autistic daughter by his wife, now deceased from a sudden heart attack. This happened while he was in jail. His wife’s adult daughter never notified him or his family until over one month after her burial. The daughter decided to have her mom buried in Peurto Rico. As a result his autistic daughter, six year old at the time, was in the custody of her adult sister and husband. She could not handle the responsibility so my youngest daughter took custody of his daughter. My son was released on parole, to a 9 month, program outside of our area. (90 minutes away). He completed the program however, because of his manipulative, abilities he got through it by the skin of his teeth. He initially said his goal was to save money, get an apartment and take custody of his daughter. That all went askew. Every month after he received his disability check, we would not hear from him for 3-4 days. He had no savings, which was a prerequisite of the program that he somehow got around. He would not visit his daughter to prepare for the transition and taking care of her. Too make a long story after a little over a year, his sister asked him to come stay with her so he could begin to get involved with his daughter, because she was leaving the state, and did not want to take her so far from her dad. He did, but it resulted in them finally getting into a violent, verbal disagreement, resulting in his sister taking out a restrainng order for one year causing him to violate his parole. So he stayed in jail 3 months and wrapped up a 4 year sentence, and was driven to the parole office in our town. As we had previously agreed, I picked him up there, brought him the money I was holding for him along with his cell phone and laptop. We were supposed to look at some efficiencies I had lined up, to assure he had a roof over his head before the day was over, so he could start of on the right foot, and begin rebuilding his life. It did not happen. For some some reason instead of waiting at the parole office which I was only 10 minutes away from, he decided to walk to the Greyhound station to “get coffee” at the Dunkin Donuts there. Not a safe environment for an addict, with ‘prison sneakers and shirt’ easily recognizable by those who hung around that station sellilng drugs. I picked him up there and took him to the Post Office to cash his check. He then informed me he had to do alot of running around before it got late to follow up on some tips the parole department gave him for housing and I never saw or heard from him for over a week. When he finally called, it was from a Psychiatric unit of a local hospital. Its been 3-4 days since that call and I can count on my fingers the amount of words he has said to me during the course of 3-4 telephone calls. I finally told him I believed he relasped, but my concern was with him and how he was doing and what I could do to hel him. He asked who told me that, I told him I am not stupid, I just believed I could be 99 percent sure that he did. The he said: “You want to know the reason I am here? It’s because I jumped!” I asked him jumped where? and he said he didn’t want to talk about it. When I tell him I love him at the conclusion of the calls, he just says “thank you”. He also said his family does not love him either and did not want to give the pay phone telephone number to anyone so they could call, and did not respond to the request of his brother to take his phone number so he could call him. I am so afraid for my son. He will not be able to stay there forever. I don’t know how to get through to him because I don’t know what to say to him. He won’t talk to me, does not want me to visit. So I am hoping you could help me out. What ever you could do will certainly be appreciated. Thankyou.

Most of the strategies I got from my sources, but I added quite a few that I’ve learned over the years.

I don’t have a blogroll yet — nowhere to put it! I’ve thought about having a separate page for it, though.

Thanks so much for taking the time write this all out. I especially like the support strategies section.

Adding this to my blogroll – finally.

Thanks,

John

John Haydon’s last blog post..johnhaydon: RT@mikenichols0 ! Article worth reading: "Helping a Friend or Family Member with a Mental Illness" http://is.gd/9VHb – Mike – thanks!

I think it can be really hard for family, especially spouses, to not feel that they are somehow to blame. Or to not internalize it when the person who is ill blames them.

I have been in the position to help someone with a mental illness but the person would not allow me to help. It was very difficult.