Bullying among children has become a hot topic.
There are innumerable websites devoted to stopping bullying in schools. In addition, many studies have been done detailing the effects of bullying among young people.
Adult bullying doesn’t receive the same amount of press. But it has been found that the social form of bullying doesn’t stop at childhood, but continues into adulthood. The same sorts of activities associated with childhood bullying are present in adults. Social bullying actions include:
- Targeting a person’s social status to tear it down
- Damaging a person’s relationships by shunning
- Damaging a person’s reputation by spreading rumors
- Excluding a person from social activities
Both childhood and adult bullying can cause Anxiety Disorders and depression.
Bullying in childhood causes Anxiety Disorders and depression in young adults
Social bullying causes anxiety and depression
A recent study at the University of Florida discovered a link between social bullying in adolescence and Anxiety Disorders and depression in young adulthood. Allison Dempsey, the lead author, said,
Even though people are outside of high school, the memories of these experiences continue to be associated with depression and social anxiety. It was interesting to see these relationships still continue to exist even though they are in early adulthood now and in a completely different setting. … [T]his is a real problem and continues to be a real problem after students leave school.
While it is commonly thought that boys are the biggest bullies, girls participate in social bullying in equal numbers. The researchers found no gender differences in the link between social bullying and Anxiety Disorders and depression.
Surprisingly, they also discovered that having friends or other positive social relationships didn’t lessen rates of Anxiety and depression in adulthood. Some children take the words and abuse to heart and begin to believe what’s being said about them. Eric Storch, co-author of the study, said,
Those types of negative thoughts are actually believed to be at the core of things like depression and anxiety. Behaviorally what starts happening is you avoid interactions and situations that could be quite positive for you.
Adult bullying in the workplace
Adult bullying most apparent in the workplace
Bullying patterns continue into adulthood, and can do as much or more damage. Adult bullying can occur in any setting, but it is most apparent in the workplace. There have been a number of studies dealing with adult bullying in the workplace. The main features of adult bullying they agree on are:
- Threat to professional status — Belittling opinion, public professional humiliation, accusation regarding lack of effort.
- Threat to personal standing — Name-calling, insults, intimidation, devaluing with reference to age
- Isolation — Preventing access to opportunities, physical or social isolation, withholding of information
- Excessive overwork — Undue pressure, impossible deadlines, unnecessary disruption
- Destabilization — Failure to give credit when due, meaningless tasks, removal of responsibility, repeated reminders of mistakes, setting up to fail
Adult bullying in other settings
Adult bullying can occur anywhere
There are other settings besides the workplace where bullying can occur. Anywhere there is interaction between people is a possible setting for bullying. Neighbors bully, other church members bully, even your friends can bully you! Ask yourself if the person you are having trouble with:
- Ignores you. Doesn’t say hello when you greet them. Doesn’t return phone calls or other messages.
- Dismisses what you’re saying or “puts you down” while alone or in the presence of others.
- Sabotages you or makes you look foolish, such as by “forgetting” to tell you about something important. Or if the person is a person in authority, sets you up to fail by making impossible demands of you?
- Spreads rumors, lies and half-truths about you?
- Frequently acts impatient with you, treating you like you are incompetent?
- Blames and criticizes you?
- Tries to intimidate you by by interrupting, contradicting and glaring at you and/or giving you the silent treatment?
- Teases, ridicules, insults or plays tricks on you, especially in front of others?
- Always insists on getting their own way and never apologizes?
- Yells, points their finger, swears, insults or threatens you or call you names?
What is the result of bullying on the adult victim?
Adult bullying causes anxiety and depression
Studies of adult bullying have shown that at the very least, adult bullying causes anxiety and mild depression. But such behavior, especially when persistent, also has been shown to be the cause of Anxiety Disorders and clinical depression, as well.
Just as in children, people susceptible to Anxiety Disorders and clinical depression take the bullying actions to heart, and begin to believe the bully’s actions reflect their true nature. This leads to an escalation of the kinds of thoughts that lead to diagnosable mental illnesses.
In particular, the sort of destabilizing effects that adult bullying causes can be a major factor in the development of Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Social Phobia and panic attacks leading to Panic Disorder.
What frequency of bullying causes Anxiety or depression?
A single action is not enough
The frequency of bullying actions that can then be called a pattern of bullying are a subject of debate. The definitions of a number of studies vary widely:
- One incident per week, with incidents occur over a period of at least 6 months
- Several incidents over the past six months
- A single threatening act of bullying, i.e. no pattern is required
The definition I believe is the most accurate is the second, several incidents over the past six months. I have been the victim of, and have witnessed, many incidences of adult bullying, and they all fall within this definition. Less frequent bullying actions, though still upsetting, are usually not enough to trigger severe Anxiety Disorders or depression.
What can you do about adult bullying?
Five choices for handling bullying
A full discussion of what you can do about adult bullying is outside the boundaries of this article. However, the Bully Free Workplace site lists these five possible choices for handling workplace bullying:
- Avoidance – A refusal to engage in the bullying. This is the most prevalent tactic, and typical of Anxiety Disorders. This is a not very effective method.
- Taking the conflict and submitting – Very frequently used, especially when there is low confidence and self-esteem, symptoms of Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Social Phobia. This method is not very effective.
- Compete – You push hard to get your own way. Can lead to a vicious circle as conflict escalates.
- Compromise – More win-win, but requires the good will of both parties.
- Collaborate – Most useful tactic, particularly with extreme conflict and workplace bullying. Both parties must have ownership and commitment to the solution.
What do you think?
As mentioned, I have been the object of bullying several times, and I have seen it happen to a number of others. I can say without question that bullying, both as a child and particularly as an adult, has contributed to the development of the Anxiety Disorders I have.
- Have you ever been the victim of a bully, especially as an adult?
- Do you identify with any of the characteristics of adult bullying?
As always, your comments are welcome!
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Resources used in this post:
Birdwell, April Frawley. (2008, April 22). Social form of bullying linked to depression, anxiety in adults. Retrieved August 23, 2008 from University of Florida News Web site: http://news.ufl.edu/2008/04/22/bullying-2/
Cade, Valerie. (2008). The Five Choices for Handling Workplace Bullying. Retrieved August 23, 2008 from Bully Free Workplace Web site: http://www.bullyfreeatwork.com/blog/
Cowie, Helen. (1999, December). Adult Bullying. Retrieved August 23, 2008 from TMR Network Project Web site: http://old.gold.ac.uk/tmr/reports/aim2_surrey1.html
Science Daily. (2008, April 23). Social Form of Bullying Linked to Depression, Anxiety in Adults. Retrieved August 23, 2008 from Science Daily Web site: http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/04/080422143529.htm
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{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }
Adult bullying! That is the cause of my anxiety. I can’t believe it actually happens in the adult world. I am still shocked! I sold my business a few years ago and the “wolf in the lambs suit” immediately started spreading rumors about me. When I became aware of the assassination of my character I was beside myself. I basically went into hiding! I couldn’t take a chance of people confronting me or seeing them whisper behind my back. This came on top of the grieving I was trying to work thru from the death of my sister (and business partner). I still wonder why?
People have a lot of reasons for bullying, among them jealousy, envy and lack of self-confidence. I didn’t get into the reasons for adult bullying because it would have made the article twice as long!
Although we think that bullying is limited to children, I believe adult bullying is actually far more prevalent. It’s not out in the open because it doesn’t involve physical violence as much.
I’m sorry about your sister and the bullying you suffered upon the sale of your business. It must have been awful. Just remember that Anxiety is very treatable with good therapy and possibly medications.
Bullying is so very prevalent in our society today. It’s like the world is made of control freaks and the minute I find myself around one, I separate myself because if I don’t a panic attack will occur.
Thank you for your comment, Kay!
I, too, tend to avoid bullies as “crazy-makers.” They cause and have caused me much grief.
But avoidance is one of the primary characteristics of Anxiety Disorders, and I know that one of these days (I shudder at the thought) I will have to learn how to stand up to them.
Побольше б таких штук…
I know this is an old post – but I am moved to write because I need to take issue with the ‘definition’… particularly the time frame.
My bully was my supervisor and we worked together until 3 days before the end of my three month probation period.. at which point she had me fired. It has been a little over a year since I first started that job and I am still suffering with anxiety. I am almost three months into my second job since that one and I am feeling overwhelmed – I doubt everything I do – I feel I have no right to stick up for myself – I think everyone there secretly hates me.
She did a number on me in only three months, name calling, pubicly berating me, rule-changing, heaping on the pressure, leaving when she was needed and then getting angry when any decisions were made without her go ahead. It was soul-destroying. And then to be FIRED.. I have been a mess. Just a mess.
Wel, I can definitely relate and understand as I’m going through something similar as I type. The worst part is that it involves a federal program and others are receiving the same abuse. I have decided that I’m not going quietly. I’m calling my Congressman and we’re going to have a sit down. I’ve also decided what that I’n going to take the same stance I’ve taken in the past when I needed a job. I tell myself, “You were looking for a job when you found this one.” I know employment is thin on the ground in this country but something is out there. Don’t give this woman another iota of power over you. She doesn’t deserve a second thought. I know it’s not easy but allowing it holds you back from moving on to better things.
Основная задача Яндекса — давать ответы на вопросы пользователей!
I never knew adult bullies existed til it happened to me about 7 years ago. I got married very young and dropped out of High school. I’m still married to Paul for 45 years now. In 1979 I got a job in a school cafeteria. Five years later I was so proud to become the cafeteria manager. Then one day a bully custodian turned my life upside down. He stripped me of everything, including my dignity, pride, and sanity. I had no choice but to go to my superiors for help. No mater what they did to him, he managed to outwit them and still torment me in new ways. I finally asked if I could be moved to another one of our schools. They were happy to do so. I worked for the next 6 years under a nice cafeteria manager in a trance. I took early retirement and am now am seeing a Psychiatrist for mental disorders because of it. I didn’t know something like that existed til it happened to me. I was always nice to and respectful to others but I guess that means squat when someone is out to get you. I still don’t know why.
I am glad to see blogs like this and an article written like this because adult bullying is a learned behavior. Even as a child learn to be that way or have had things to happen to them that causes a person to be that way. When grows into adulthood, the bully attitude has never been dealt with such as boundaries, discipline, lack of love, envy, jealousy, and ect. They take kind persons and see their kindness as a weakness.
I was very much bullied at my job. I believe more incidents in adult bullying and bullying in the work place is going to come to a head. And as a result to picking on people, degradating their character, and making a person feel like they are a failure is going to caused a “harrassment lawsuit.”
How about that for Corporate America. Maybe if more lawsuits like happens, then more jobs will be saved and unemployment can go down. Bullies run in packs and knows each others communication code. When it comes down to it, they are scared insecure fol
I have endured a long time friendship that would constantly belittle me either on our own or in front of people, she would ignore me when in large groups upset me and make me feel like i’m crazy. She would disagree with anything I had to say, she would also make me believe I had no fashion sense and would not dress appropriately for my age (I am 7 years older than her). She accused me of trying to steal her life because my husband and I became friends with some of her friends and bought a house up the road from her (something she seemed to be happy about at the time). She made lies up about me trying to convince others I was crazy and purposly excluded us from social gatherings. Everytime I would recluse to try and break away from the friendship she would have it out with me and try and twist things around to try and pas the blame onto me for our issues or come up with excuses for her behaviour. I felt sorry for her because her father is very abusive and she had to endure a frightening childhood living in fear that her Dad might murder her mother. It took me a while but I have realised that the friendship is affecting my marriage and other friendships I feel it is a form of Adult bullying which has damaged my self esteemed and caused me constant anxiety. I have now stopped the friendship but I still feel anxious about what my mutual friends think of me as I have refrained from getting involved in all the gossip. This has also been a very sad year for me as I lost my Dad on new years day and have just suffered a miscarriage I’m trying to stay strong and try and believe that this is not my issue it is hers but it is so hard. The history and memories of the good times are so difficult to try and forget. I don’t know if anyone else has experienced what I have and if they have any words of advice for me I look forward to any responses.
I was bullied by a couple, old school friends of my husband. We were “friends” for over 40 years, but over time they became more and more self-centered, she became more manipulative in a very covert way, and he started pushing my ‘hot buttons’ every chance he got. With her, I realized many years ago that the only reason she ever asked me a question (how are the kids?) was so that I would ask her the same question back … instead of just telling me what was new with her kids, she always came in through this conversational back door. For years she would ask me a question and in the middle of my answer either interrupt with a change of subject, or turn around and start talking to someone else. When I was advised by a psychologist to turn the tables and do the same thing to her, the behavior stopped like magic, so I know she knew what she was doing. Her husband over the past few years just got meaner and meaner, “all in good fun.” My husband is so good-natured, I finally had to point out to him what was happening, because he was joining in what he thought was light-hearted banter. He has finally written them a note telling them gently that their behavior was stressful to me and we probably wouldn’t be seeing them again. Since they were his old friends, the note needed to come from him. Now I’m waiting to see what their reaction will be. No matter what, though, I know I didn’t deserve the treatment I was getting, and I don’t intend to put myself through it again. Sometimes there’s no need to stay in a bad situation.
I belong to a twelve recovery program where a man who was a very good friend of my husband and I suddenly is not speaking to us He has been coming to our home group meeting and making faces at us, making fun of us. belittling other people. I was bullied when I was in jr high and where I was also sexually abused by a teacher. I am now not sleeping at night and have a tight chest. I have talked to a few people about this and they say they don’ want to gossip or judge this other person. I talked to my sponsor and she wants me to be nice to him and shake his hand and thank him for being there. because the group was more important. Other people were getting upset that there was tension in the room. My husband has been doing that every time he is there. The last time he went to shake his hand the bully slapped it away. My husband says he needs to stay in there for his recovery and will not leave the group. I am sick to my stomach all the time and I feel isolated and alone. It does not feel safe for me to go. We have tried everything to resolve the conflict and He is unwilling to do anything. Is it healthy for me to stay in that situation?
im turning 13 in 3 days (28th of april) and ive been bullied a million times and lost a lot of friends then i tired ignoring them and it stopped in 3 days!!!!!!!!!!!!im so happy. I dont even care i lost a handful of friends cuse now i know who my real friends are. The popular kids only have fake
I have been bullied so much at work especially since 2004 when I got a disease from a flu shot and I became a partially disabled. Didn’t have the strength that I once had and people didn’t like the fact I was on modified work and I got harassed and bullied so much that I developed Major Depression became a Cutter and have Suicide thoughts. I have been an employee there for 27 years. 9 weeks after the open in my hometown and they treat me like crap. My DR says I don’t have P.T.S.D but I feel I do because I can’t stop thinking about my workplace and I am now afraid to go to work and I am only 48 years old. I can’t work 40 hours a week due to my Physical and Mental Health issues I only do about 30 hours and that is affecting me financially.
No matter how much you’re on the wrong road, you can turn back and recover anytime, without medication. It is not healthy to take medication for things like that because they sometimes trigger suicide and they make you dependent.
Ibrahim If you are having suicidal thoughts Medication can be a life saver it has been for me. It has change me for the better. It is not perfect medication alone won’t solve all the problems. Talk therapy with it helps. When you have a chemical imbalance in the brain that needs medication to put it right then I will do it. I wouldn’t still be taken them if I felt they were hurting me. Everybody is different some needs the medication and some don’t. I know I need it.
Sue
Mr. Nicols–I am researching an artical on adult gossiping as a form of bullying, a subject that is damaging lives here in small-town Alberta. The effects of “coffee shop talk” have even resulted in police investigations that left families in ruins and local authorities with an unfounded crime. Would I be able to send you questions or, better still, discuss this subject on the phone?
Thank you for any time you can give me on this subject.
Yours,
T. Paulgaard
Provost, Alberta
albertaluckygirl@hotmail.com
I was an outgoing, lively child until adolescence and Junior High when my elder brother started bulling me severely and often in front of my parents and he successfully got away with it, telling them he was “joking”. When he became violent, he always had a good “excuse” and my parents usually accepted it. If my father tried to discipline him, my mother would start a fight with my father and say that I provoked it and I somehow “deserved it”. Since then I have experienced adult bullying including from my elder brother who still bullies me. On a couple of occasions he even has been violent towards me as an adult. I try to keep him at arms length but unlike friends, it is more difficult to cut off a sibling. Also, a number of my extended family, cousins etc take the cue from my elder brother and join in the bullying. I have cut them off to various extents. I suffer endemic low self esteem and lack of confidence. I have become quite socially isolated. I find that when I am at a low point with one bully, I am more susceptible to bullying by others. At times I become impatient and argumentative and at other times timid and withdraw into my shell. I know I am not dealing with it effectively but as an adult man I feel it is socially less acceptable to admit to being bullied and nobody including counsellors seem to take the situation seriously. A couple of friends have lately confided to me that they feel similar things and it has socially isolated them also. I think we need to form a social support network and share experiences on how to educate society about the harmful effects of adult social bullying (just like we are doing with school and workplace bullies) so that it becomes socially unacceptable. Does anyone have any thoughts?
I was bullied relentlessly from the time I was about 7 and I don’t really think it has stopped to this day. Of course, that just could be my paranoia talking because of how awful the torture I recieved was. I went to a very small Catholic school from grades1-8, and from grades 3-8 I had not one single friend. I sat alone, just trying to keep myself low enough on the radar so people would just forget about me. It would have been better than the torture. Unfortunately, I never really got that lucky. I attempted to talk to the adults in my life and responses I got ranged from pray about it to, “If you didn’t let them know it bothers you, they will stop.” I don’t remember a single one of them ever getting in trouble for the things they said about me or did to me. I actually went to the principal and she basically told me it would only make my situation worse. When my parents didn’t/couldn’t help me, I gave up my faith in anything. I started acting out as I got older, but of course it was all my fault. I am 27, and today I finally cut my mother out of my life. I have let her make me cry for the last time. The truth is, my mom really didn’t do ANYTHING to help. She never tried being friendly towards me, even though she knew I had no friends(when a girl never gets invited to a sleepover, a phone call, a trip to the movies, etc. you’d think you’d step up). Having children of my own, I now know how my mom acted was wrong. I could never do that to my daughters. This torture has affected my whole life. I dropped out of college, not because I wasn’t able to do the work, but because I always felt like it would never be good enough. I haven’t really even tried to figure out what I want to do with my life, even though I know I am capable of more than this. I have cut off any relationships that I did have, besides my husband, because I don’t feel like I can trust anyone to be my true friend. Too many people have hurt me. I am so lonely. I wish I could talk to someone about this, but I don’t have insurance and my limited means + no insurance= no treatment. Ironically, I feel if I hadn’t been subjected to the torture I was, I might actually be a successful person with a decent job with benefits. I wouldn’t need the treatment if it weren’t for the experiences though. I don’t know what, if anything, I have accomplished by writing this but at least there are fewer tears coming out now.