Comments on: How to Take Care of Yourself When Your Partner Has an Anxiety Disorder

By: khym

khym — Thu, 10 May 2012 02:46:13 +0000

Hi Mary,

I feel your pain. I myself is dealing with my husabands anxiety. For the last 2 years i have cried evry single night. I love my husband so much and we have two wonderful kids but sometimes i feel like i dont have anything to give anymore. I tried to be very understanding and caring but its never enough.He is in denial with his disorder and its tearing our family apart. I am trying to hold on to the rope hoping that things will be better and yes it did for 2 months and now he is back to his with his anxiety. I cant even tell anyone because my family and friends think highly of him. I dont know what to do. I know I am better off without him but I dont want my kids to suffer…

By: Lucy

Lucy — Mon, 07 May 2012 22:48:25 +0000

Dear Sarah, After leaving my husband for 9 months I moved back home with hopes of things changing. After 4 months I am ready to leave again. I know how much you feel that you want to protect him and that this is something that he can’t help and he really is a good person. I feel that way also but, after 2o years of dealing with it I can no longer stay with him because my mental health is at stake. I don’t think you are responsible for his issues. You can’t fix him.
This is coming from someone who is so frustrated and angry so please realize that when reading. I am probably leaving for good very soon. I really wish you the best and hope you make the right decision for YOU.

By: Sarah

Sarah — Mon, 07 May 2012 21:06:04 +0000

Hi all….

I came trolling the internet looking for something, anything, that might help me with my situation. I have been dating a wonderful man for quite sometime now, but like many of your loved ones he has anxiety. When we first started dating his anxiety was not apparent, but over the last six months his bad days have increased exponentially.

His triggers are related mainly to drugs and disease and his attacks are so bad that they have made him unable to enjoy really anything without first having to plan out safe “routes” or “hacks” through his day. Some days are awful, and some days appear to be normal… Its just the way it goes with him. He refuses to visit where I live because it is not a “safe” place due to his fear of my neighbors.

I have begged him to go to counseling, even offering to go with him. Throughout our relationship we have not had a fight that was not in some way connected to his anxiety, and recently our fights have been worse than ever. He has begged me to keep his anxiety a secret, which further stresses me. His mother knows, but does not accept that her son is struggling, brushing it off as a “passing thing”. I feel like I am totally alone, and it feels like no one could possibly understand. I feel like I am being controlled by his anxiety and it scares me.

I love him… the man that this anxiety has a hold of… but everyday I feel like crying…asking myself if my relationship is worth all of the struggles. I feel myself slipping and thinking that I can’t do this anymore, I cant be his support. Finding this community and the postings of others that are experiencing exactly the same things as me has been a blessing. I see that I am not alone, and there are many wonderful people that have the same fears and worries and issues related to their partners. Sometimes the silver lining must be found within numbers.

I wish you and your loved ones the best.
Thank you, Sarah

By: Rachael

Rachael — Mon, 19 Mar 2012 06:06:48 +0000

Hi Mary,

I myself suffer from exactly what your husband does. I tent to build all my anger up think I am ok then after a few drinks I let rip! It is so awful. Other symptoms I suffer with are being irritable, fidgety, short and snapy, stressed, short of breathe, racing of my heart and constant worry. I am now taking an anti depressant which I tried to stop as I think to myself I should not need it however straight away all these things come back. It can be challenging at times. Your husband may need medication. It was the best decision I ever made after about 1o years of ignoring my problem I am the most mentally balanced I have ever been. My recommendation is when he has a verbal outburst try and not say too much stay calm walk away or leave the house if this is not possible atleast wait till he has stopped calmed down and he is remorseful The more you point out you are there for him the less it should happen. Try and be calm about it reinforcing you care and see over the month if it helps.

Good Luck!

By: mary

mary — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 11:59:16 +0000

I am finding things very difficult. My husband has been diagnosed with this recently and I believe he has had it for many years. He gets very verbally abuse with me conversely likes me in the room with him all the time. Any ideas. Some times I feel at the end of my teather.

By: lauren

lauren — Sun, 19 Feb 2012 19:48:10 +0000

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years now. Since the beginning I was aware of his anxiety disorder because his wife had actually left him over. I am a patient and comforting to him, and try to even side track him from it by being funny. We’ve tried meds, camomille tea, church, valerian root, working out, and a host of other things… all helps but…His root trigger is caused from a fear of death, which from what I understand, most peoples fear can be traced back to. We are Christians, and believe in life after death but convincing someone in the mist of an attack that they are saved and regardless are going to heaven isn’t exactly what they can embrace. I have become somewhat angry with him, frustrated, because he is so co-dependent on me to give him stress relief that I have no real outside life from him at this point. I am sure that stems from his ex abandoning him and taking his children. Its sad because he cant help it. I just feel at a loss. …there is miracles happening around him, that are clear to both of us in they’re origin but faith. Faith is a muscle. It must be exercised. God help us all. I think patience is the wrong thing to ask for, so I guess I’ll ask for strength. And peace. Hope this helps someone.

By: Marylin

Marylin — Fri, 17 Feb 2012 12:25:42 +0000

Hi all,
I’ve got so frustrated by not being able to help my bf with his GAD and panic attacks… that i could actually cry now.
He’s been suffering from it for 2 years now, and he’s not mean to me or anything… I just feel his dependence on me grow and i can’t ever have a good time with friends or family if he’s not feeling well…
Somehow it’s reassuring to know i’m not the only one… although my heart goes out to all of you.
I wish you and your loved ones quick recovery.

By: erika

erika — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 04:26:14 +0000

I’m ready to bail. I’m tired. I’m not having this thorn at my side anymore. I’ve lost all my friends during 11 years of trying understand him and cope with him. I’ve also developed a habit of pushing away anyone else who wants to be close to me. I’ve even lost interest on all my hobbies and such. I no longer remember what it is we have in common anymore. My 2 sons are so attached to him because he coddled them so much on account that he “will die soon”. He’s admitted to his problem only AFTER we no long
er had medical insurance.

By: Eoz

Eoz — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 21:43:46 +0000

Hi Helen
My fiancé is exactly the same, his mind races constantly so he is permanently tired but can’t sleep. He worries about things that won’t happen. He has partially accepted that he not only has depression but anxiety as well. I bought this amazing book that we are both reading called Self help for your nerves by phsychiatrist Claire Weekes. It’s such a help because it describes exactly how he feels to him and it makes me understand what he’s going through so I can be more helpful. It’s still a battle to get him to realise how to help himself because he is still in denial that these thoughts are not rational. Acceptance is the first step. I struggle to cope sometimes and feel that he will never get over this and our dreams of a normal happy life just won’t come true but I try and keep the dream in my heart and my head. It keeps me going.

By: Helen

Helen — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 20:18:18 +0000

My partner has extreme anxiety in that his mind races a lot. Not everyday but enough to have him up at night, tossing and turning keeping me awake. He thinks things are bad about someone or something when really nothing has yet happened. He looks into the future and makes up this way of how things will happen like he is seeing into the future. He told me about all the things on his mind the other day. There were dozens and dozens of things and half of them didn’t even need to be thought of. I am so worried about him and it causes us to have fights when I try to understand him. He won’t see a doctor as he doesn’t want to be made out to be having a ‘problem’ and thinks that he will be looked at like he is a freak. I love him dearly and don’t know what to do anymore. Please help.
Helen