All couples have their share of challenges.
But when one half of a couple has an Anxiety Disorder, partners face a whole new set of challenges. And the issues associated with Anxiety Disorders may exacerbate many of the normal issues that couples face.
One partner may not know how to help his or her significant other and becomes frustrated, angry, resentful or feel guilty, sad or hopeless about the situation. Over time, this will severely hamper your ability to care for your partner with a Anxiety Disorder.
It is important that you understand that you need to take care of yourself. Immersing yourself in your partner’s Anxiety Disorder can be debilitating, and you are not being selfish to want to have a break.
How can an Anxiety Disorder affect a couple’s relationship?
An Anxiety Disorder can take a major toll on a couple. A study done by the Anxiety Disorders Association America in 2004 reveals in great detail how a couple’s relationship is affected. Although it only studied people with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), it likely holds true for people with other Anxiety Disorders.
The study found that a couple’s relationship suffered the most compared to other personal relationships, such as friends and family. People with GAD were twice as likely to have at least one relationship problem, and three times more likely to avoid being intimate with their partner. In addition, 75 percent said that they felt their disorder impaired their ability to perform normal activities with their partner, such as going out and social activities.
How can you help yourself if your partner has an Anxiety Disorder?
Living with an Anxiety Disorder is associated with a great deal of personal distress. But it can be equally hard for a partner. The reality of living with a partner with an anxiety disorder is not how most people imagined their lives would turn out.
It is extremely important — and not selfish — for the partners of individuals with an Anxiety Disorder to take care of themselves as well as for their partner. Here are some tips to help you cope:
- Don’t give up your own life and interests. Engaging in outside interests and hobbies can provide a much-needed break from the stress of your daily life. You will be more energized, happier, healthier and better prepared to face challenges. It is important to take this time for yourself and not become completely consumed with your partner’s disorder.
- Have your own social life. Whether it’s going out to eat with a friend, singing in the church choir, or going to club meetings, it is essential that you get out and away from your partner from time to time.
- Keep active and exercise. Regular exercise can help you feel more positive, and gives you energy and stamina. It will help you get out of the house and get your mind off your stressful situation.
- Eat healthy. Having a balanced diet will not only help the way you feel, but will help the way you think.
- Maintain a support system. Having friends and family to confide in and count on — as well as assist you emotionally, financially and in other ways when your partner cannot — is vital for an individual whose partner has an Anxiety Disorder. You can feel isolated and overwhelmed by problems sometimes, and having someone to talk to helps greatly. There are support groups for caregivers in many communities.
- Relax. Take the time to relax just for yourself. You may have a favorite activity such as reading, gardening or listening to music. Or you may just enjoy sitting and enjoying the scent of a candle. The important thing is that you regularly take time for yourself.
- Express yourself. Our creativity often goes unnoticed, even by ourselves, much less given a regular outlet. Find a way to express your emotions and needs on a regular basis, such as journaling, blogging, painting, writing or some other method.
- Set boundaries. Decide where your limits lie and inform your partner of those. These might be emotional, financial, physical, etc. For example, if your partner is not working and is not doing anything to try to become well such as seeking treatment, you may need to have a serious discussion about your expectations and how to move forward to improve the situation. Couples therapy can often help with this.
- Seek out professional help for yourself if necessary. The recovery process can be stressful for partners of people with Anxiety Disorders. Your well-being is just as important as your partner’s. If you need someone to talk to, or you think you may be suffering from symptoms of anxiety or depression yourself, you should talk to your doctor or consider visiting a mental health care professional yourself.
What do you think?
If you are the partner of someone with Anxiety Disorder, you know how hard it can be sometimes. You should not feel guilty or selfish for regularly taking the time and energy to take care of yourself!
- Are you the partner of someone with Anxiety Disorder or another mental disorder?
- What have you learned about taking care of yourself?
- Have you experienced emotions such as frustration, guilt or anger? How have you overcome them?
What can you do now?
Your comments are always welcome, and are important to this blog’s community! Leave a comment now.
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Resources used in this post:
Anxiety Disorders Association of America. (2004). New Survey Reveals How Generalized Anxiety Disorder Interferes with Ability to Maintain “Healthy” Relationships. Retrieved April 29, 2005 from Anxiety Disorders Association of America Web site: http://www.adaa.org/aboutADAA/newsletter/newsurvey04.htm
Anxiety Disorders Association of America. (2008). When Your Partner Has an Anxiety Disorder. Retrieved July 16, 2008 from Anxiety Disorders Association of America Web site: http://www.adaa.org/gettinghelp/MFarchives/MonthlyFeatures(june07).asp
Framingham, Jane. (2007, October 23). 10 Tips to Help Yourself. Retrieved June 27, 2008 from Psych Central Web site: http://psychcentral.com/lib/2007/10-tips-to-help-yourself/
Further reading:
Well Spouse Association
©2008 Anxiety, Panic & Health. All rights reserved.
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I am finding things very difficult. My husband has been diagnosed with this recently and I believe he has had it for many years. He gets very verbally abuse with me conversely likes me in the room with him all the time. Any ideas. Some times I feel at the end of my teather.
Hi Mary,
I myself suffer from exactly what your husband does. I tent to build all my anger up think I am ok then after a few drinks I let rip! It is so awful. Other symptoms I suffer with are being irritable, fidgety, short and snapy, stressed, short of breathe, racing of my heart and constant worry. I am now taking an anti depressant which I tried to stop as I think to myself I should not need it however straight away all these things come back. It can be challenging at times. Your husband may need medication. It was the best decision I ever made after about 1o years of ignoring my problem I am the most mentally balanced I have ever been. My recommendation is when he has a verbal outburst try and not say too much stay calm walk away or leave the house if this is not possible atleast wait till he has stopped calmed down and he is remorseful The more you point out you are there for him the less it should happen. Try and be calm about it reinforcing you care and see over the month if it helps.
Good Luck!
Hi all….
I came trolling the internet looking for something, anything, that might help me with my situation. I have been dating a wonderful man for quite sometime now, but like many of your loved ones he has anxiety. When we first started dating his anxiety was not apparent, but over the last six months his bad days have increased exponentially.
His triggers are related mainly to drugs and disease and his attacks are so bad that they have made him unable to enjoy really anything without first having to plan out safe “routes” or “hacks” through his day. Some days are awful, and some days appear to be normal… Its just the way it goes with him. He refuses to visit where I live because it is not a “safe” place due to his fear of my neighbors.
I have begged him to go to counseling, even offering to go with him. Throughout our relationship we have not had a fight that was not in some way connected to his anxiety, and recently our fights have been worse than ever. He has begged me to keep his anxiety a secret, which further stresses me. His mother knows, but does not accept that her son is struggling, brushing it off as a “passing thing”. I feel like I am totally alone, and it feels like no one could possibly understand. I feel like I am being controlled by his anxiety and it scares me.
I love him… the man that this anxiety has a hold of… but everyday I feel like crying…asking myself if my relationship is worth all of the struggles. I feel myself slipping and thinking that I can’t do this anymore, I cant be his support. Finding this community and the postings of others that are experiencing exactly the same things as me has been a blessing. I see that I am not alone, and there are many wonderful people that have the same fears and worries and issues related to their partners. Sometimes the silver lining must be found within numbers.
I wish you and your loved ones the best.
Thank you, Sarah
Dear Sarah, After leaving my husband for 9 months I moved back home with hopes of things changing. After 4 months I am ready to leave again. I know how much you feel that you want to protect him and that this is something that he can’t help and he really is a good person. I feel that way also but, after 2o years of dealing with it I can no longer stay with him because my mental health is at stake. I don’t think you are responsible for his issues. You can’t fix him.
This is coming from someone who is so frustrated and angry so please realize that when reading. I am probably leaving for good very soon. I really wish you the best and hope you make the right decision for YOU.
Hi Mary,
I feel your pain. I myself is dealing with my husabands anxiety. For the last 2 years i have cried evry single night. I love my husband so much and we have two wonderful kids but sometimes i feel like i dont have anything to give anymore. I tried to be very understanding and caring but its never enough.He is in denial with his disorder and its tearing our family apart. I am trying to hold on to the rope hoping that things will be better and yes it did for 2 months and now he is back to his with his anxiety. I cant even tell anyone because my family and friends think highly of him. I dont know what to do. I know I am better off without him but I dont want my kids to suffer…
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